Saturday, 28 May 2011

Emily Collingridge shares her experience of M.E.

On Facebook there is a group named 'YES! M.E. is a genuine condition. Unite to build awareness!'. Today, someone posted this. It made me cry. I've never been as dreadfully ill as this girl is. I've been close, twice. What I went through was torture; I cannot imagine what she lives with every day of her life :(

"Severe ME is utterly devastating. It's time for proper research and proper care". That is the simple, but vitally important message that Emily is desperate for the world to hear. Beginning months ago, she has written a letter which she hopes will spread her message across the Internet and garner support for those severely affected by ME. Please help her achieve this.

(Permission to re-post)

Emily's Appeal

It has been said that the following is hard to read. But that is all we ask you to do: to read it, to forward/re-post it and to pledge your support for the many thousands of people like Emily who have to LIVE it.

"My name is Emily. I developed the neurological condition Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) when I was 6 years old. In April 2011 I turned 30. I still have ME.

ME coloured every aspect of my childhood; it painfully restricted my teens and it completely destroyed my twenties. Now, as I move into the next decade of my life, I am more crippled than ever by this horrific disease.

My doctors tell me that I have been pushed to the greatest extremes of suffering that illness can ever push a person. I have come very close to dying on more than one occasion. If you met me you may well think I was about to die now - it's like that every single day. After all these years I still struggle to understand how it's possible to feel so ill so relentlessly.

My reaction to small exertions and sensory stimulation is extreme. Voices wafting up from downstairs, a brief doctor's visit, a little light, all can leave me with surging pain, on the verge of vomiting, struggling with each breath and feeling I'll go mad with the suffering. Of course it can also be as bad as this for no particular reason - and often is. I cannot be washed, cannot raise my head, cannot have company, cannot be lifted from bed, cannot look out of the window, cannot be touched, cannot watch television or listen to music - the list is long. ME has made my body an agonising prison.

My days and nights are filled with restless sleep interspersed with injections, needle changes (for a syringe driver), nappy changes (as well as experiencing transient paralysis and at times being blind and mute, I am doubly incontinent) and medicines/fluid being pumped into my stomach through a tube. My life could be better if I had a Hickman line (line which goes into a major vein and sits in the heart) for IV drugs and fluids, but such a thing would likely kill me. I'm on a huge cocktail of strong medications which help, yet still most days the suffering is incomprehensible. During the worst hours I may go without the extra morphine I need as I feel so ill that the thought of my mother coming near to administer it is intolerable - this despite pain levels so high that I hallucinate.

I live in constant fear of a crisis driving me into hospital; our hospitals have shown such lack of consideration for the special needs of patients like me that time spent in hospital is torture (eased only by the incredible kindness shown by some nurses and doctors) and invariably causes further deterioration.

Many days I feel utter despair.

But, unlike some sufferers, over the long years in which I've had severe ME (the illness began mildly and has taken a progressive course) I have at least had periods of respite from the absolute worst of it. During those periods I was still very ill, but it was possible to enjoy something of life. So in these dark days I know there is a real chance of better times ahead and that keeps me going.

My entire future, and the greatly improved health I so long for, however, currently hinges on luck alone. This is wrong. As I lie here, wishing and hoping and simply trying to survive, I (and the thousands like me - severe ME is not rare) should at least have the comfort of knowing that there are many, many well-funded scientists and doctors who are pulling out all the stops in the quest to find a treatment which may restore my health and that the NHS is doing all possible to care for me as I need to be cared for - but I don't. This wretched, ugly disease is made all the more so through the scandalous lack of research into its most severe form and the lack of necessary, appropriate support for those suffering from it. This is something that must change.

And that is why I tell my story; why I fight my painfully debilitated body to type this out on a smartphone one difficult sentence at a time and to make my appeal to governments, funders, medical experts and others:

Please put an end to the abandonment of people with severe ME and give us all real reason to hope."

By Emily Collingridge 2010-2011

You can support Emily and everyone with severe ME by joining the "Severe ME/CFS: A Guide to Living" Facebook group Both sufferers and non sufferers welcome! See also"

Friday, 27 May 2011

I'm cursed!!!

Or this computer is cursed. Probably the computer, since people always say the user is the problem :P

Ok .. deep breaths .. let's try and explain from the beginning. 
Incidentally, anyone actually reading this, I'm not seeking help. I have posted on forums for help with these issues; the quick fixes are NOT the answers.

This computer was purchased from last June by my husband for myself:
Windows7 64bit
C: = 58.2Gb ... 16.1GB free
D: = 160GB ... 131GB free
Graphics: Mobile Intel(R) 4 Series Express Chipset Family

Beautiful whizzy computer to start with. After about a month I noticed that it was slowing down. I hadn't realised that the C drive was so limited, and had installed everything I'd added to the machine on the C drive, so it was understandable that it slowed down. So, I uninstalled most of what I had installed and re-installed it on the D drive.

The computer was still slow. I was having other problems too though. 
- The sound always worked when turning the computer on, but frequently it'd stop working while the computer was on and being used. 
- Programs wouldn't respond the first time I asked them to open, so I would have to ask them twice, and then multiple editions of the program would open. I have always known obviously that you're supposed to wait for a program to respond, but when it doesn't respond after ten minutes you do tend to think you didn't click it properly the first time. (I am not exaggerating).
- The computer was stalling. Typing would be delayed. Clicking things would be delayed. There was a delay when switching between programs. When typing in IM messages would take a few seconds to be sent. You get the idea.

I had no idea what to do to start with. The computer didn't come with installation disks, and as far as I could tell had no hidden partition with the installation files on it. I had rescue disks, or whatever they're called, that Ian created when the computer first arrived, but no idea what to do with them. One of my friends did a little research online and discovered that Asus has an inbuilt functionality that allows you to return the computer to factory settings. So, a few months ago, I returned the computer to factory settings for the first time.

I had backed up my D drive in case returning to factory settings erased it, but it did not. What had not occurred to me that time around was that by not erasing the D drive, it left all the programs I'd installed there, still there. So, when the computer started to stall almost immediately I was at first puzzled. I talked about it a bit with another friend, and started to realise that the computer may be struggling with loading programs from the D drive, as it has to run them on the C drive. My hands are somewhat tied by the limited space on the C drive though. So, once again I returned the computer to factory settings, and I deleted all of the programs from the D drive this time.

This time, I decided to install programs at no more than one each time I had the computer loaded, so that I'd be able to see if any particular one was causing the stalling. The first couple of days I just did that, used my email, and probably Facebook or whatever. A day later I suddenly realised that I was unable to save files. With a bit of experimentation I found that I could not save files to the folders in my D drive. I could create new folders, but couldn't save into them either. I could save to the D drive itself and the C drive though. The folders for some reason were marked as read only, and no matter what I did they returned to read only.

Now, as an aside. When the computer first arrived Ian gave it the same name was my PC. Only once have I had both my PC and laptop on at the same time, but when I did they were clashing with each other on the network. So with the last re-install I had decided to change the name of the computer .. just to solve that little issue you know. Well, as it turns out, the D drive was looking for the computers previous name, and there's no way to teach it the C drives new name without reformatting it too *sigh*. Soooooo .. once again, I returned the computer to factory settings, and gave the C drive the name it had previously again!

So, while I've solved a problem I created, I've not solved any of the original problems, and new ones are cropping up!

My DVD drive is not working. Not only is it not reading my CDs, but when I then try to use CDs that have visited this computer, in another computer, they are coming up as being blank. I've lost my copy of Photoshop and Office because of this :( I dare not put any other disks near the machine. Apparently it means the laser is pointing the wrong way, or something like that.

So, when my step mother sent me the information for updating the art groups website, I was faced with somewhat of a problem. I couldn't install Frontpage (don't laugh .. I love that program), and being completely brain fogged stood very little chance of hand coding it. I tried downloading the trial version of CoffeeCupinternet *scowl*. This meant I couldn't upload the pictures for the website to Photobucket (our hosting space is very limited). So I came back to this laptop, uploaded all of the pictures to Photobucket, saved all of the urls for the pictures, and the dimensions of the pictures, to a notepad file which I then took back to my old laptop. On the old laptop I could then create the updated website files, all be it without seeing whether the pictures worked or not. Saving it to the external harddrive again, I then uploaded it from this laptop. Surprise surprise ... the website didn't work. Being way too foggy to understand what the frell was going on, one of my friends had a look and worked it out for me; in creating the files on the external hard drive Frontpage had decided to give the full hard drive urls for each link. Pfffft. So a bit of hand coding was required, but thankfully not much. Website fixed.

Meanwhile CoffeeCup HTML Editor. I absolutely love CoffeeCup. They make fantastic software, extremely easy to use, and very cheap. I've never tried their HTML Editor before though, so I decided to give their trial version a try. Downloaded it. Problem .. it no workee. When I try to use the visual editor part it all freezes up. I have reported the problem, and they are working on it. It is just my luck though that I have managed to encounter a problem that they're vaguely aware of, but haven't worked out the cause of yet. Hopefully my dire straits can help them fix it though.

Friday 27th May 2011

Ok, it's Friday and I've not updated since Monday. I'm having problems. Not just with M.E., but with my computer too. I'll post about my computer separately though. My memory is just so soooo poor at the moment, that when it gets to the end of the day I honestly can't remember what has happened throughout the day. The intention of this blog was to give a blow by blow description of each day, for my reference, and for printing for the DWP in the future (for my appeal), but I really honestly can't think at the end of the day. 

I've actually had quite a busy week for me, which has left me drained and exhausted every single day. Don't ask me what I did Monday; it seems ages ago now. Tuesday though I had the blood test for gluten intolerance, followed by an appointment with Dr Clark. The blood test went ok. But then I had to wait 50 minutes to see the doctor (it was supposed to be straight after my blood test). With the music in the waiting room making me giddy, by the time I left the surgery I felt so ill that I came straight home; I had intended to go food shopping. Well, Doctor Clark has confirmed for me that I do not have any kind of lurgy in my groin, but may in fact be mosaic-ed (I thought only men could have mosaic-ism). She wrote my sick note for me too. It's the first time she's done it, so she was looking at the computer for reference. For some reason, last time I saw Doctor Niklaus he wrote on the screen that I'd be able to return to work soon. What the frell??? How? Holy clap. If only! I'd give anything to be able to work :(

Ummmm. Wednesday. What did I do Wednesday? Oh yes! Wednesday I had an appointment with Citizens Advice Bureau. I was hoping to seek their advice on finding a representative for my ESA appeal. I was told that they do not represent, and that M.E. is a non-existent illness anyway. So I came away exhausted, upset, frustrated, and went straight to bed. Wednesday evening I spent trying to update my step mothers art groups website.

Yesterday I did way more than I should have. I actually went into Lichfield. I've been struggling with my glasses. I bought two pairs last year, both from online vendors, but not the same one. On one of the the plastic nose piece thing came off months ago, so I've been wearing the other pair. This pair though has become so scratched that I constantly feel like I have something in my eye. So I decided to take the other pair to Specsavers yesterday to see if they could offer me any advice. Advice? No. Fix em? Yes! For free! Hoorah :) I also had four of my watches fixed at Timsons, and banked a cheque with HSBC. And then fell over in Gregs. Came home. Went back to bed.

I've been having severe problems sleeping recently. The pattern my body has been forcing me to live with was being awake til about 3am and then waking up at 11am (unless the cat woke me up earlier). I have tried everything I could to force myself to get to sleep earlier. I've gone to bed at 11:30pm and just laid there for hours. Goodness knows why. Last night I went to bed just after midnight, and I slept all the way through to 9am. Yay me!!!!

This morning I spent half an hour sorting out boxes in the garage. Someone from Freecycle was coming to pick up a load of stuff that neither Ian or I would have any use for. So, I sorted that and took a rest. After the lady came to pick it up I took our patio roses next door, so that Hazel can enjoy them for the summer :) The rest of today will be spent resting ... after another blog post anyway.

Scuse language ...

Dr John Green-Smith posted this to one of the Facebook M.E. groups earlier today. Made me chuckle.

My friend and I have a pet name for CFS - Completely Fucked Syndrome. I'd like a logo for that one too :)

Monday, 23 May 2011


I have labyrinthitis again at the moment. It's really really annoying when I get this. I usually know it's coming because for a couple of days when I sit up or lie down the world will spin. Then it gets bad; when I sit up I will land flat on my back without realising I'm moving. Trying to walk is a nightmare. Thankfully I don't have it all that badly at the moment, but am restricting myself to the house just in case. The first time I had it I was like the guy in the clip I've linked below. You've probably seen this clip before. I'm not sure whether the guy in the clip is drunk, which is the general assumption, or whether he does have a problem such as labyrinthitis or something neurological is going on ... I'm just using it to illustrate how I can be. I have frequently been mistaken for being drunk when I venture out with this condition.

The clip.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Wednesday 18th May 2011

Ok, I'm having a bit of a rough time. I know I've missed updating for a couple of days, sorry. I'm fatigued to a ridiculous level, struggling to function and struggling to think. I have this weird thing going on at the moment whereby when I stand up everything around me starts swimming. If I try to walk I am stumbling and bumping into things, because they don't look like they're there. I'm having to close my eyes in order to make my way around the house (I seem to have an amazing talent for this). It's not labyrinthitis; when I have that I land flat on my back before I know anything is wrong. I did only just recover from another wee bout of it last week mind you. 

One of the things I hate most about CFS is constantly questioning what is happening to my body. Continuously wondering if it's just another CFS thing, or whether it's something I need to actually see the doctor about. Some of the time it's both .. ie thrush. When will this torture end? I feel like this illness is one huge long punishment for something ... only no one ever told me what I did wrong :(

So what's been happening? Not much. What can I remember? Not much. So maybe I've been doing lots and forgotten it lol. 

Seriously .. I had an appointment with mental bloke yesterday (my pet name for my CPN). Ummm .. I can't remember much of what we discussed now. 

Oh! I phoned the DWP yesterday too. My appeal form has been received, so I have been placed on the assessment rate until my appeal. *fingers crossed*.

Sorry this is so naff. I'm really brain fogged at the moment :(

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Sunday 15th May 2011

Well, I woke up at 9:30 this morning. You know, I can't remember much of today at all. I remember waking up early, taking some pics in the garden, and then going back to bed. I read some too. I've not been in much pain today. Read a lot and slept a lot. And that's about it.


Saturdsay 14th May 2011

Having discovered yesterday that editing previous posts pops them up to the top of the blog, I've realised I'm going to have to date each post in the title. Oh well; saves me trying to be clever ;)

I hate weekends. Day time TV is even worse than during the week. There's a higher likelihood of Ian making an appearance. Everyone asks you what you're doing with your weekend as if it's going to be more exciting than the rest of the week. So, this morning I stayed in bed and read until about 3:30. I was craving sausages, so I decided to go for lunch (breakfast) at Morrisons and do the rest of the shopping I'd forgotten yesterday whilst there. I ate all four sausages too!

When I got back Ian was out of the front of the house mowing the lawn. *groan*. He wanted me to tidy the living room and the kitchen, and take the washing off the radiators, and unload the washing machine. He was in a foul mood. He didn't say it, but I think he was in a strop because of Wilf; didn't ask me anything about him, but he'd obviously been in the cage (the blanket on top was folder back). I was already exhausted after shopping, so was not best impressed at being asked to do so much. You'd think that after ten years he'd understand, but he doesn't.

I went back to bed after performing his chores. I fell asleep almost straight away. I have no idea what time it was, but he came in and woke me up .. I can't remember what he said. I asked him if he'd fixed the downstairs toilet .. 'no'. Have you locked the backdoor? 'Yes, of course I have!'. Well he didn't last week. 'Oh Ian, can you close the shed after you take the lawn mower out please?'. We have a mini shed in the garden with a lid that lifts up. He leaves it open when using the lawn mower. The problem is that its one of the places our cat sits. So she jumped up to her perch this afternoon and fell straight in, landing on the up facing pointy bits of the rake. She's ok thankfully, but she wasn't happy. His answer 'No,' and he walked away. I asked him to come back so I could explain to him why. He shouted no. *sigh* So, what did I do this time to deserve being treated like pooh?

I went back to sleep again and woke up at 8:15. I hadn't realised the Eurovision Song Contest was today. Yay that I saw some of it. AND that the country that I wanted to win, won! Hooray!

Saturday, 14 May 2011

And today's post!

Today has been kind of weird. I woke up this morning, firstly realising that I'd been dreaming about Tim and his ex selling beaded jewellery at a table top sale, and secondly with the Go Compare tune going round my head. I felt ok, like I had a lot more spoons than usual, so I figured I'd go out while I was able to. I read for about an hour, then realising it was 1:30 and I didn't want to get stuck in school traffic I headed towards Tesco. The route to Tesco takes me past Newlife. Temptation. Soooo, I went in, and found the most beautiful dress ever, but it took half an hour of queueing to get to the changing room. I was using my shooting stick to sit on in the queue, but by the time I got to the cubicle I was absolutely wiped out already.

So, by the time I got to Tesco my brain was so addled that I only bought half the things I intended to and didn't actually realise that til I got home. So I now have bread, and nothing to add to it to create sandwiches. Oops! I like Hovis Wholemeal; it's yummy. 

I got back just in time to see Deal Or No Deal. I watched with baited breath, as I'm sure people did all over the country, as on Friday the 13th, the third person (a female again) won the £250,000. I cried. Even Noel cried. And then we napped.

I've not done much this evening. I've texted G throughout the day, and spent a while talking to him online this morning. And now I have Wilf sitting in my collar complaining about being out of his cage. He's liking the new fluffy floor in his cage. And he likes eating my food lol.

Yesterdays post .. coz blogger was down yesterday

Well .. I've not exactly enjoyed today I must say. I got up at 10:20 in order to go to the doctor. I can't remember this morning very well now actually. We talked about gluten intolerance, and I've booked to have blood tests. He felt my stomach and it was really really sore this morning. I booked to see Dr Clark too, AND I booked an appointment with a CAB advisor; I didn't know you could do that at the doctors!!!!

When I got home I phoned the DLA helpline because I realised yesterday that it was the deadline and I'd not returned the form yet. They said to simply include a letter explaining why.

Going to the doctors was really exhausting in itself, so after the phone call I went back to bed. Just under the quilt, coz I couldn't be bothered to take my clothes off.

Woke up about 2:30. Put a potato in the oven. It was very yummy. I spent ages trying to do the DLA form, but it made me tired and grumpy, so I lay down for a rest again at 7pm. Got myself up a couple of hours later and had another potato.

I've had a boring grumpy evening.

Thursday, 12 May 2011

ME Awareness Week

One of my friends shared this video on Facebook today. It's another small clip that gives another fairly good description of ME. Good to share with friends who have an interest ... or whom you want to understand. It makes the good point, unlike the other ones, that when people see us having a good day they assume we're 'getting better'. It's so disheartening hearing people say that. You feel like you're disappointing them if you say you're not getting better.

Let it be Wednesday

Today has been a struggle. There have been all sorts of observations about CFS that I've considered throughout the day; things that would be useful to put in the blog, but of course, I can no longer remember them at the end of the day. It would be silly to log in and note every thought throughout the day. Particularly when I'm thinking some of them in the bath.

I did have the bath! I realised in the bath, that last time I had a bath I had forgotten to shave certain bits. Yesterday I forgot to take my meds, to brush my teeth and do my situps (I do ten situps a day to help my stomach muscles support my back). At the end of todays bath I couldn't actually remember which bits of me I had washed. I hope I washed everything. At least my hair is clean; clean hair gives the impression that the rest of you is clean ;)

Oh! The mitten was so cute this morning. I forgot to open the window for her to go out before I had my bath, so she was tarting herself at me. She sat by the bath staring at me while I talked to her. I warned her that I was all wet and drippy and I had to use the shower to wash my fur which meant she might get wet. Then I pursed my lips to blow her a kiss, but she stood up on her back paws and rubbed her chin against my pursed lips. Bless her.

The first part of my day (I got up at 12:01 .. oops), was spent feeling like I had boxing gloves on my hands. I just felt like I was randomly hitting the keyboard hoping to get the right keys, and really really slowly. It was sooo hard. So I gave in and tried to rest. Too heavy to go upstairs and lie in bed I lay down on the settee. I didn't manage to sleep, but think I rested for a couple of hours. I'm not sure if it helped or not. My hands were better, but now my legs were in pain. My left gluteous maximumus was cramping badly. It has subsided now, but my bicep femoris (I think) is now cramping instead. My right leg is just generally aching.

Oh yeah. I put some washing on. But I'm going to rinse it tomorrow and hang it around the house, coz my legs are hurting too much to stand up and walk around.

I've not been particularly hungry today. I was planning to do a wee shop, but because I'm in pain and fatigued I decided just to grab a portion of rice from the take away instead. I couldn't eat all of it, so Wilf has had a treat. He hasn't wanted to cuddle today. He needs rattie friends to bring him out of his shell. I've changed the plans for the weekend, coz the thought of getting to Mels and back is scary; so I'm going to pay her train ticket to get here instead .. avec ratties .. yay!!!

Here endeth my exciting day.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

CFS versus ME

On one of the Facebook ME groups today, someone posted a link to the Hummingbird Foundation. At first I was impressed, because it has a fairly short succinct description of ME which would be useful to provide people who don't understand what ME is. But then I scrolled down the page and found a section entitled 'What is 'CFS'? Why was this bogus disease category created? I read this with increasing dismay. 

It basically ascertains that ME is a legitimate disease that can be easily diagnosed, but is now not recognised because of a condition that has been invented from thin air and named CFS. I was diagnosed with ME. I have chosen to refer to it as CFS, because when people online ask you what illness you suffer from and you say 'ME' they think you are taking the mick by referring to yourself as an illness (time and time and time again .. seriously!). My doctor is perfectly happy to write CFS on my sick notes rather than ME. A close friend of mine spent five months last year, in the only in patient facility in this country that specialises in ME and CFS. Her understanding, as mine, is that they are one and the same illness. If her specialists in that unit are under that impression then either The Hummingbird Foundation is mistaken, or all patients with CFS are doomed.

I'm afraid I disagree with the Foundations assertion that all people with CFS rather than ME have been misdiagnosed. I know there are a lot of misdiagnosis. My sister was diagnosed with ME ten years ago; nine years later it was discovered that she has MS. So I'm not in denial over the matter. But, I do not believe that my 'circulating blood volume is reduced by up to an astounding 50%' (though as far as I'm aware I've never had this tested), and I do believe I have CFS. I do not appreciate an organisation that is supposedly helping people with ME make me feel like a fraud. It's hard enough fighting outside non-believers.

Apparently it's Tuesday.

Well since I managed to feed the cat fairly late last night she actually didn't wake me up this morning. So I happily slept through til about 11 this morning before a furry hurricane appeared on my chest demanding succour. I can't really remember this morning. Well, erm ... morning by my standards that is; first part of my day! I remember there being something interesting on TV, but can't remember what it was.

It's a nice change to have something interesting on. I watched Jeremy Kyle and Deal Or No Deal as usual though. Jeremy Kyle brought tears to my eyes today. He had a special episode with people with misunderstood illnesses. Unlike ME though, these peoples illnesses were visible, so they have to deal with cruel comments from all sorts of ignorant people rather than just those they choose to tell. There was a five year old girl named Ashanti, with a condition that means her internal organs age at eight times the normal rate. She was mostly bald and had a particular look about her. Her parents had taught her to believe that she was a beautiful princess which is why people stare at her. There are only 45 people in the world with the illness. One of them is another little girl in the UK. Ashanti had seen this little girl on the TV and said 'Daddy it's me on the TV!'. When she was told that it wasn't, she insisted that they must be twins. Jeremy had the other girl on the show today so that the two of them could meet. It was very sweet.

I fell asleep after Deal Or No Deal. I was woken up at 7:30pm by a text message from Brian, my next door neighbour checking up on me. With half an hour to spare before anything interesting would be on TV I figured I'd tackle the kitchen. I've been too tired to clean or tidy the kitchen for over a week now. It's horrible. It's the front of the house, so anyone delivering newspapers or letters sees the mess. So embarrassing. Having the conversation with Brian by text helped. It meant I could do a bit of washing up, then sit on the floor and reply to his text. Do a bit more washing. Reply to another text. I did it all. And I wiped down the surfaces. I wish I had the energy to clean the floor, but that's completely beyond me at the moment.

I was treated by an episode of Cougar Town afterwards. TV has been pretty pants since then though. Wilf came out of his cage for an hour. It took him ten minutes hiding in my armpit to come round. It's hard for a rat to remain incurious for long. He's explored the top of the settee, a bit of my leg, every inch of inside my cardigan, and he sat perched on my shoulder for a while .. covered me in pee and generously delivered several poohs. I'll have a bath in the morning.

I suddenly realised at about 11pm that I hadn't actually eaten anything this evening. I couldn't decide whether I was actually hungry or not, until at nearly midnight I decided I was craving sausage (not a euphemism). I don't have any meat left in the house (apart from tinned fish) .. seriously need to order some shopping, so the only solution would have been to go to the chippy. I didn't trust myself to drive though. I'll survive.

Mind you, now I'm craving sweet and sour chicken Cantonese style.