Wednesday 15th June 2011

Well, I completely screwed up today.

I had a bath this morning. It takes a long time for the bath to run. It makes me sleepy watching it, and waiting. The hot water helped. My legs and arms were soothed, and it was nice to stop feeling pain for a while. But as always I couldn't get myself to relax, so just basically washed, and got out again. It probably takes longer to run my bath than to actually have it.

My plan for the day, basically, was to get a Fathers Day card for my Dad and post it, and to get a thank you card and bottle of wine for Brian. Because of the bottle of wine, I figured Tesco would be the best place, even though it's a bit further than driving in to Rugeley.

I don't really know what I was thinking. As soon as I got out of the car I knew it was a mistake. My legs were shaking with every step, but not in the same pigeon-impersonation way they had been before. I used my stick, until I had a trolley to lean on. I took the lift up to the store. I walked straight past the card aisle, finding myself in the store before realising I'd done so, so I went back and picked up some cards. Making my way to the alcohol area I found I was going past the gluten free section, so I figured I could buy some food whilst there. So I picked up some items there, then picked up some items from the fresh area, and since I was going past the refrigerators I picked up some yogurt ... you get the idea; I did shopping!

By the time I got to the checkout I was leaning my full body weight on the trolley. My legs kept giving way beneath me. I was beside myself with embarrassment. There was no way I could have gone through the self service checkout, which is what I usually do. So I queued behind an elderly guy. He was taking absolutely ages to get through the checkout; I don't remember what it was that he was doing. I had tears running down my cheeks by the time I got to the checkout. I asked the lady if she'd mind packing for me. She asked me what was wrong, I explained that my legs weren't working properly, that I'd not be able to stand to pack the bags. She asked if I was ok, if I wanted any help (other than bag packing). I said no, I'd be ok. So she told me to go sit down while she packed my stuff. But she then called over her supervisor, and people started descending on me from all sides. I had to explain that I have M.E., that my legs and arms were trembling due to fatigue, that I'd be ok, it was just a bad day. I was so embarrassed. Everyone was staring at me.

The most annoying thing is that I forgot to buy paper for the printer. I realised just after unpacking the trolley too .. but there's no way I'd have been able to go and find it and get back in time to pay.

The rest of today has been spent resting. I baked a potato for dinner. Nearly forgot it was in the oven mind you. I'm aching all over, but I'm seeing Tim for acupuncture tomorrow, so hopefully the aches will go away for a while.